Thursday, March 24, 2011
I found some old writing from journals I wanted to share.
Both of these entries are from Februrary 4 years ago, shortly before I came to Phoenix. I'd like to add, that if the time of deepest physical pain from my teeth over the past several years has always been during times when I was also sick or worn out from lack of sleep or stressed, so my body's immune system is distracted by fighting other things than infected teeth, that often in my life the time of biggest MENTAL pain has been when I've felt alone, without a supportive community of people to talk to or friends to share with. When I wrote these words, I had recently left NY to travel for the 4th time in a year, and had been staying in a basement for a month in the middle of winter in Ann Arbor with my friend Jeremiah I had met in Portland, every day feeling more and more like I had no one to communicate with but myself. I saved enough money from stencil art commissions a few weeks later to take another chance and risk spending the majority of my earnings on a bus ticket to Phoenix, where I only knew one person via the internet for several years whom I'd never met. (Rikki) I came here, starting over again, with $15 to my name, hopeful that perhaps my magic "answer" of how I could change my life and find happiness and success might finally surface here after passing through nearly half of the other 50 states over the previous year of couchsurfing while surviving off of art. Though these words happened to come out during those lonely, 13 degree depressing days in Michigan, I nonetheless carried them with me always in the back of my mind over the past several years, pulling them out of hiding in my thoughts with every awkward attempt at a smile throughout my days. I can happily update this first entry however, with the new information that I do in fact finally HAVE dental records, not to mention a perfect model probably still in Rakhee's messy locker of my mouth so in case anything terrible were to happen to me, I could finally actually be identified for the first time in my life. Thanks Rakhee! Haha, I know, I give the most ridiculously unique compliments, huh?