So I was interviewed last week...

My friend and old housemate from the Downtown Arts Collective and live/work space, the Firehouse, Pete Petrisko, recently emailed me about interviewing me for AZ Kaos, "Arizona's Punk Rock Resource." Confessing some of his own experiences with "bad teeth" and the effect it has had on him was a moving introduction to our reconnection as friends, having not seen each other in over a year. This interview is a perfect example of the continuing positive experiences I am having with others reaching back, sharing their own stories and offering their own talents and utilizing their own networks as I am reaching out. It is kind of  mindblowing each day, watching everything continue to grow! I almost feel like a pyramid scheme or something. Haha. I received another considerable donation today, from someone I don't even know, and I have planted so many seeds at this point through direct conversations with friends, the blog and all sorts of digital profiles, that I am not even sure how people are hearing about my story now, but I am excited to watch it all grow as it takes on more and more of a life of its own. Thanks again everyone for all your reposting and sharing in whatever digital and analog circles of friends you have, and for helping me to be a little less pouty as all my foods begin to take on the same goopy texture at every meal. It feels great after so many years to be derailed in so many directions of denial, to finally feel like every aspect of my life is beginning to feel focused and on the right track toward a positive and healing future.

I hope you will enjoy this interview, and take the time to peruse the rest of their website and zine if you can find a copy. Thanks again, Pete, for your own honesty and compassion, and sharing your story. I am equally inspired by you and your own "cyborg" teeth :-)

http://azkaos.tumblr.com/post/3913701978

I've been working on an "Altar," of sorts.

Until about 10 months ago, I had for my entire life, identified as an atheist. This was partially due to my loosely Christian upbringing I never remotely identified with, but also because, I have always been a person who was very grounded in the present. I have a tattoo on my wrist (instead of a watch) that reads "This is all we have," meaning that as far as I presume to know, this life, is the only one that I get, so I have to make it count. I got that tattoo in 2004 after the closest connection I have ever believed I had to a "fiance" broke up with me. It was a somewhat "secret" relationship of eleven months, and those words were something we often uttered as a reminder that our happiness, however fleeting perhaps, on that given night, took precedent over the consequences of her disapproving parents finding out about our continuing relationship.

Last year I reached a point where for the first time in my entire life I began to call into question my reactionary Atheism, and to begin to think of myself more as a single cell in part of the greater organism of what many would refer to as Gaia. While I still do not put much of a regular focus into it, i.e.-prayer, searching for books that better quantify my confusing "spirituality," My journeys back into nature with Pinar reminded me that I am in fact a spiritual person, despite not having a religion, per se. Spending six weeks biking with her 1,100 miles down the Pacific coast this past fall helped me to not only reconnect me with nature and my childhood, but also get in touch with the deepest most intrinsic parts of who I am, from the darkest, most repressed demons, to my brightest hopes and dreams.

Above all, I view the world as a series of connections. I also believe that the majority of humankind has thrown our planet out of balance. I believe the mind is a more powerful tool than we think, and I believe wholeheartely that any of us, at any given time, when we can find a focus and balance within us, can manifest our dreams into reality. It may, however, be very hard work. "Where there is a will, there is a way," and the less we live disconnected digital lives of isolation, the more connections we can make in real life when we genuinely talk to people and express our open and honest convictions, and live with the consequences. Being vulnerable and honest with each other, is the most human thing that we can do. This all being said...some of you might think some of my "beliefs" are a little wishy-washy, and that is okay. I am simply supplying you with a little bit of background information as to how I ended up making altars for lack of a better word for the first time in my life this past year.

Here is the current one I speak of:

The majority of the top collection are artifacts from the earth sampled over 6,000 miles of mine and Pinar's adventures together, each footnotes of the epic story of 2010 for me that propelled me forward to face my dental journey of 2011. The bottom are several photos from my childhood and of my closest friends, lovers and connections over the past several years, and reminders of experiences where I felt the most happy, even if I wasn't necessarily comfortable smiling.

 

 

Many of these items I have carried around with me as tokens of power throughout different trials in my life. If I missed someone and want to feel them closer to me when I'm going through a rough time, I have often carried a picture of them or some sort of charm I acquired with them to feel able to summon more courage than usual. I could spend days writing out the significance of every single object in this picture, but I will refrain, and ask that you only remember, that things like this are far more important to me than general material possessions. Though I am sometimes mocked for liking pictures and documentation, like it makes me a hypocrite as someone who claims to live in the present and seize the day rather than get caught up in daily deja vu of a forgotten past I can only conjure again through pictures as my aging memory betrays me, I believe that all of our stories have value. This altar, in a way, is a collection of memory cues and triggers, that helps me to capture a lifetime of my most important moments at one quick glance, and remind me daily, of all of the wonderful times that my soul was smiling. It is a call to action and a challenge, to continually find the strength to face each day with new-found strength and commitment to heal myself from nearly two decades of alienation and masochism, and free myself from that past to finally begin to write a new story for myself of who in fact Paul Clark Jones Jr. really is.

Donation Update

Whoah, amazing news. As of last Thursday, after I received not one, but TWO $500 donations in a 24-hour period, that brings my 33 day total since I got a paylpal account up to a whopping $1535.54!

Without even actually having a fundraiser of any kind yet! This means two things: first, that the help of others has now surpassed my own investment after the past seven appointments and I can rest a little easier finally, and afford to buy slightly more pudding! and second, that I currently have enough money saved between my own resources and donations to cover the cost of my next 5 appointments! Basically, all seven of my remaining extractions, and fixing all of the remaining teeth I have that need work is already payed for.

My next appointment is on March 22nd, and I hope to schedule the other 4 as soon as possible after that, perhaps to be completed by mid-April. By that time, I will have probably another grand of my own savings, and at least one fundraising dinner party this weekend and another benefit in San Fran on the 30th, and who knows what else, but I believe that it might, just might be possible to begin the implant procedures by the end of April. If so, that will be a pretty remarkable accomplishment for only 3 months. I almost can't believe it! So far, so good. Wish me luck!

Exercise Those Choppers!

Idunno if anyone remembers this, but this used to always play during Saturday morning cartoons back in NY when I was a kid. I remember that one with the reading cat also, Captain OG Readmore. Haha. This popped into my head the other morning at work eating breakfast and I haven't been able to get it out of my damn head since!
This is an interesting commercial. I mentioned in an earlier blog that I felt like my jaw muscles have no doubt atrophied after years of only working them out with softer "dumbbell" foods and not doing any tough weight training on meats and nuts and apples and things out of fear of breaking teeth and also cuz I was vegan for nearly 11 years. I wonder if when I have teeth again I will be able to fully work out my "choppers," if I will gain like, definition and have an entirely different looking "chiseled" jaw? Hahahaa. We'll see, I guess.

Networking and Fundraising Updates

So lately it feels like I have 2 full time jobs. Besides Tumbleweed, virtually all of the rest of my spare time (when I'm not eating pudding and watching House reruns, that is. haha) has gone to emailing, reposting links and blogs, brainstorming, calling people, and trying to plan all sorts of fundraisers to continue to get my story outside of the context of all my poor downtown friends. Something I feel that people are slowly starting to realize, is that though they may not have money, they have their own skillsets and resources and slightly separate group of friends. I feel like a "weaver" I guess, finding new ways to constantly mix and match everyone's unique thread together to create colorful new events that everyone will want to be a part of. Here are some of the exciting things happening soon or in the works, but first of all, here is a glimpse of the OCD Hollywood "serial killer" way that I organize my thoughts:

I got a twitter account yesterday! That, is pretty hilarious and weird to me, that me of all people finally has one. And I still am not fully sure how to best utilize it, but I will hopefully get lots of pointers from all my geeky friends soon! :-) Right? Come be my followers at: 
http://twitter.com/#!/smilepaul2011

My friend and old housemate from the Firehouse, Pete Petrisko recently interviewed me for AZ Kaos, an online journal of local art, music, culture and happening. Check out their page at: http://azkaos.tumblr.com/ The story should be posted early next week, and will hopefully help pitch my first big upcoming benefit, on...

March 20th at 6PM at my friend (and coincidentally OTHER old housemate) Mario's I'm having my first big vegan dinner party fundraiser. If you don't know, it's the red brick house next to the giant red brick church on 908 E. McKinley St. If you are on Facebook, here is the event link and more information.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=170356473016237
Mario and I (and anyone else who wished to contribute) are going to serve up a smorgasbord of vegan delights. We will have some gluten-free options as well, a variety of the cookies I used to be making at Conspire, Sangria and who knows what else. I promise it will all still taste good AFTER I rant my little monologue about my treatment plan and share gory pictures :-)

March 30th my friend Rocky Yazzi is hosting a fundraising event for me at the bar he works at in San Fran, the El Rio.  http://www.elriosf.com/  More info of performers and details soon.

I'm also working on designing promotional materials for a campaign I'm calling "One More Tooth" right now which I hope to have ready in the next week or so. I going to reach out to local businesses in the community and inquire if they are interested in letting me put a jar by their cash register for weekly collections of change. With this, I will also make "business" cards with the blog and twitter and my contact info to be displayed near them. I believe the text for the campaign is going to read:
"Our dear friend Paul needs several thousand dollars worth of dental care. He is saving for a full mouth reconstruction to finally be able to smile again and eat without pain for the first time in nearly 20 years. Together, your spare change can turn into real life change. You can make a difference, and help him cover the cost of ONE MORE TOOTH."
Then on the other side of the jar I would also have a current pic and short bio. Trying to find the ideal "jars" or containers to use still, currently, if anyone has any suggestions? Also contemplating making little molars out of sculpey to put inside each jar. I know, I'm so clever :-)

My friends Erin and Tristan are going to work on booking me a music show, possibly at Trunk Space or Firehouse in April sometime. Kimbur Lanning at Stinkweeds has also offered to let me use her space for an acoustic in-store performance or an outdoor show in the courtyard if anyone else wished to help with that or knows bands who might like to play for either show. I'm currently pursuing the possibilities of local favorites and friends of mine: Dogbreth, Haymarket Squares, Scrupulous, Haunted Cologne, Michelle Blades, Andrew Jackson Jihad, Lauren Farrah, Empire of the Bear, and others.
I am going to also talk to Wesley at the Bikini Lounge about possibly doing a fundraiser there one night as well, probably with the likes of 602sdays heroes Djentrification, Tara, Matty P, etc.

On top of all of this, My friend Anna Moncada has offered to begin accepting donations at her Tapdancing lessons for me. She is also exploring the possibility of her burlesque troupe Provacatease performing at a dancing fundraiser, possibly with a "sexy" bake sale. Hahahaa.

My friend Reva, the instructor of http://www.girlempowerselfdefense.com/ is offering to also donate a portion of the proceeds from her workshops if I can help her spread the word and find a more permanent and centrally-located venue in which to teach them. Am currently looking into the YMCA and some yoga studios. Anyone have any suggestions? Her trainings primarily focus on educating women, girls and the LGBTQ community. I am going to try to network with ASU student groups.

In addition, I still am working on designing some of my own tshirts to sell and also designs for my awesome friends Andrew Jackson Jihad which they have graciously offered to allow me to produce and ship and sell from their band website and let me keep full profits.

I have brainstormed other ideas with friends as well. There is talk of drag shows and scavenger hunts and improv performances and endless ideas. I am also in the works of writing a proposal for a seriously EPIC Dentistry-themed art show and silent auction that I think could probably be one of a kind and hugely attended, promoted to all dentist practices in the valley to bid on teeth-shaped paintings to put in their offices, and (I hope) to gain a lot of publicity for the students of the Mesa Dental University, educate children (AND adults) about proper oral hygiene and also offer hope and support to those who struggle with teeth issues, physically and mentally, and be informed by my intensely vulnerable and honest, interactive installation and performance piece telling my story. I am, after all, an exciting story of hope, healing, transformation, and rebirth.

I am now, finally done with this update. I told you, I have been B-U-S-Y!!
Please if anyone has any advice or suggestions or wants to help organize, promote, perform, bake, etc. for any of the above events, or if you have any other ideas of your own, please contact me. You can use here, twitter, facebook, email me at puppiesforyuppies@yahoo.com or call my cell, 602-575-9824.

Thank you all of you who continue to make this creative chaos possible, to have helped me to finally focus my brain into one single purpose for the greater good of my health and sanity and to together, provide awesome events in Phoenix!

How quickly can I write about my 10 mostly surgical extractions in 13 days?

I want this to be fun and uplifting for you after all, and not like reading the script of Saw VI or something, right? Well, maybe you can kinda have both. Well, it's March 6th now, and beginning February 17th, I have had one appointment of extractions for the last 3 weeks. How can I be brief?
 Okay, so I am surprised to know that some people seem to not know that they generally have 32 teeth as an adult. In discussing them at the dentist, they refer to them by number, 1-16 beginning on your back right, across the front to back left, and then directly below to 17 and back to the bottom right wisdom tooth to 32. To help this make a little more sense perhaps, Here is a picture of the fancy Dentrix Program diagram of my treatment plan as modified after my first 3 extractions:

The ones with the lines through them are all set to be removed. It is all somewhat of a Vicodin blur now so I am only going to report the basics. That first day for 30, 31 and 32, my bottom right rear molars, the surgery was done by Tyler with Rakhee assisting. It was probably 2 of the longest hours of my life, much of which I longed really intensely for music or any sort of distraction, though I don't think it would have helped. It was hard for me to remember to breath. I kept sorta zoning out and staring into the lights or focusing on a spot on the ceiling tile, trying to count and control my breaths, but had a really hard time. Between the urge to gag from blood, my throat feeling dry and wanting to cough, yet trying to hold as still as possible it was hard to find any sort of calm thought to meditate on with the violence being done to my mouth, even if I couldn't really feel it. My broken teeth with their long roots proved hard to get a grip on, and hard to reach. Though my mouth may have been numb beyond feeling, the muscles in my jaw were most certainly not, and there were times it felt like my jaw might be torn clean off my skull to me! Imagine yourself trying to do pull-ups, being halfway up, but then someone pulling on your legs. I am sure I have a weak jaw to begin with, having not chewed hard foods for years, so to force constant resistance against the pliers in Tyler's grip with more strength than my jaw really had felt more exhausting than any workout I have probably ever endured. It was like trying to pedal my bike up the hills of the California coast again, but with my mouth. Imagine THAT crazy bike!

When it was finally over, I presented Rakhee with a tooth-shaped card that I had made that morning, anxiously wishing there was time for her to read it right then, excited to express my gratitude with something a little more personal than cookies:

I left that day glad when it was finally over and I could just close my mouth again, heading back to Phoenix in rush hour traffic with Robyn to fill my Vicodin prescription. This however, would prove difficult, as my numbness wore off a little quicker than planned as I paced around Walgreens nauseous, dizzy, and feeling like I was going to pass out for a half an hour. In retrospect I feel that most of that was because I didn't really find time to eat much that day before my appointment. I chugged a protein shake and changed my disgusting mouthful of gauze and went back inside to sit down. I think I got my meds and checked out just in time, stopping at the store to buy an assortment of pudding and soup and smoothie-making materials before I went home to relax.

On February 25th for my 6th appointment I went back to have 3 teeth on the upper right removed. I did not, however, realize that Rakhee for the first time would not be there. It was strange, noticing that my blood pressure was actually lower than usual (and more normal) I wondered if each time before I was not actually "nervous," but excited to begin. With the new guy Ky this time, I was sad that she would miss out on the day's treatment and being formally introduced to 3 more broken old guys hiding in the back of my mouth, about to finally be thrown out of the party.
This day, was a different kind of pain. Although I had 5 shots, it seemed today hurt a lot more than last time. Instead of the jaw-stretching feeling, it was more like my mouth was going to be tore open! As most people know, I seem to have stretchier skin than most anyone, but around my mouth, that certainly does not seem to be the case. These teeth were also infected and that unfortunately makes it harder to get numb, though luckily, these 3 came out in almost half the time as the last appointment.

March 2nd I just had 4 more out, one by another new student, Chase, and 3 by Rakhee on the upper left side. Though still not really feeling much "easier," these extractions went the quickest yet, and it left us more time to catch up on the status of everything than usual. I appear to be healing well, with all going according to the plan. I had been a little intimidated, having left a message with Rakhee with the blog address, a little intimidated to bombard her or anyone unsuspecting with my intensely honest writing style, let alone, much of which was about them. Haha. But from the moment I walked in that day she put my mind at ease and in fact loved my card and all my writing and even shared it with her parents. It was a really connecting day and I left once again, feeling endless gratitude for how our lives have come together in this unique and courageous partnership for the next several months of adventures. I am continually excited for us in a way I have never felt excited before, and each new appointment is a giant healing step for me, that I know would not be remotely the same if I had been going to Mexico or something.
I took some pictures that day of the battleground 4 hands fought upon with an endless array of weapons that day in my mouth. Here is the before and after:

Ten down, 7 more to go! Next appointment is on Friday the 11th before the school goes on Spring Break. I'm hoping I can have enough money between work and donations and squeeze in enough appointments to cover all my extractions and fix the teeth that I have this month. I think I maybe, just maybe, may be able to just squeak by if I can earn enough money from fund-raising to be able to maybe have 4 new front teeth by early summer. I can't even imagine that day...

Broken windows

F   E   A   R      L   E   S   S

Since I first posted my secret to the world, and since my first dental appointment a bunch of awesome things have been happening. Also, just to clarify, when first talking about the idea of posting some sort of a story to facebook friends with Pinar in December, I made a list of only 20 or so names of closest friends I felt I could bear to share it with. The momentum and excitement building in me however due to the new comfort and empowerment I began to find inspired me to actually post it to about 40 people, a few days later adding more, and after a few more making it public to all 200 or so friends and acquaintances of my profile. More recently, something I would have never thought possible in a million years, I posted a full open mouth "before" picture on facebook the day that I went to my first appointment to have teeth extracted. A lot is changing, in me and in my circle of friends every day. Momentum is growing, word is getting out, donations are starting to come in, brainstorms are growing all over the place, and it is truly magical and exciting to witness and experience in such a short time, to even believe that this is all occurring sometimes.
If you told me a year ago that I a day would come EVER where I would look forward to going to the dentist with excitement and enthusiasm like it were a fun art class with a fun partner in crime to make jokes all day, I would have never have believed you. And though I spend much of my time in the chair each visit bleeding with multiple people's hands in my mouth, I still hope my eagerness and sense of humor shines through the broken window's in this vessel of flesh and blood that my spirit calls home. It was due for a new coat of paint, anyway. Speaking of, I just hacked my hair off tonight! Thought the bushes around my new smile were in need of a trim after a whole year's growth. Here's to new beginnings, with a few more pictures Rakhee took of me at the end of my 3rd appointment after my cleaning. Don't be scared! Think of how I've always felt. Imagine how you might feel if this is what you saw when you looked in the mirror. Take a deep breath, and smile. And now go brush your teeth! Maybe throw me a quarter every additional time you do so while thinking of me ;-)

It's confusing, I know. This is a pic of a mirror in my mouth reflecting my upper teeth, or lack thereof.

Reflection of the right side of my mouth.

This is the first full mouth X-ray picture I ever saw of myself about a half hour into my first appointment. A little intimidating, to say the least. It's since become somewhat endearing, as I imagine all the windows continue to get knocked out each appointment. I hope I get to see another after all the extractions, and a final X-ray months from now as well.